Embracing chaos.

You've probably noticed that we haven't posted anything on the blog in a while. That's because things have been a *little* chaotic around here. Just to give you an idea of what life with twins is like, I submit a few samples of the recent state of our household for your perusal:

Exhibit 1 - our kitchen counter:

Notice the bottles piled up along the right side of the sink and the pink tub full of dirty breast pump accessories in the bottom part of the fruit basket. There is hardly a place to even put new dirty dishes. Oh, and of course the coffee pot is on. Trust me, it's always that way!

Exhibit 2 - the living room:

You can see that we are using the Pack N' Play as a clean laundry receptacle. Hey, I'm just glad we have clean laundry! Who cares where it is. You can see the assorted swings and other baby receptacles sprinkled around the room as well. Gotta have a place to set those little squealers!

Exhibit 3 - the dog:

Poor Fennel hardly gets any attention anymore. He wanders around the house carrying his prized rubber chicken, hoping for just a moment of playtime, a walk around the block, some cuddles - anything! Right now, as I write this, he is pawing at the keyboard, trying to get me to love on him. I'm not even kidding.

In short, we can hardly keep up. And, this even counting the fact that I'm home all day, trying to run things smoothly. The only time I have to do anything is when this is going on:

(Eliza left, Harper right)

But, more often than not, this is what's happening:

Eliza gives her best pouty face.

Harper sheds some tears.

Or this:
(and breastfeeding of course, but no pictures of that - this is a family blog!)

Harper holds on to daddy's finger while she eats her bottle.

Sometimes this:

Daddy reads Harper a book to calm her down before bedtime.

And other times this:

Daddy dries off Harper.

Overall, though, we're managing just fine.

We've had a lot of help and support:

Aunt Lenny and the twinnies.

Mimi and Aunt Hilary take a shift holding the girls.

Aunt Gabrielle came to visit from Boston!

Grandma Pat cuddled Eliza all weekend long!

I'm learning to embrace the chaos that has become our lives.







I know I'll eventually have time for all those chores :)

Uh-oh, the girls are waking up. Gotta go!!!

Dear NICU

Dear NICU,

I know I've been pretty hard on you these past couple of months. I felt like you were holding my girls in a baby prison and it drove me crazy that I couldn't bring them home. You had so many rules I had to follow that it seemed like you were big brother watching over me. But, now that Harper and Eliza are home with me, I realize there were actually a lot of positive things that came out of your involvement in our life. So, here, in no particular order, are the things I thank you for:

Thanks for putting my husband through "Daddy Boot Camp". I know he wouldn't be so hands on without your help. He can now change a diaper like a champ.
Thanks for teaching my girls how to eat from the breast and from bottles and use a pacifier. Nipple diversity is a lifesaver!
Thanks for teaching us how to swaddle like masters. Now, I can show any blanket who's boss.
Thanks for introducing me to so many other strong, amazing NICU moms. Now I have new friends who understand what I have been through and my girls have playmates their own age.
Thanks for teaching me patience. I know it will help me as I embark on my new role as a mom.
Thanks for providing so many wonderful caregivers for my girls. The nurses, nurse practitioners, doctors and clerks were all smart, amazing people. I never felt worried leaving Harper and Eliza in their care.
Thanks for being so loud. After sleeping through all the alarms, beeps and cries of other babies while staying with you, my girls can snooze through anything!
Thanks for encouraging me to feed my daughters breast milk. I pumped and pumped and pumped and now I have a freezer full of milk for later and a great milk supply to nourish my babies.
Thanks for giving me time to heal from my c-section. Even though I was sad I couldn't bring the twins home, it was a big help to be able to sleep and heal while you watched over them.
Thanks for getting my babies on a feeding schedule. They wake up every 3-4 hours like clockwork!

But, most of all, thanks for being there when we needed you most. I know if it weren't for you, my girls wouldn't be healthy and home with me right now.

Yours Truly,
Natalie.

We Made It!

No more days at the NICU for the Wingate family. Harper came home this weekend. Whew.

The longest three minutes of my day.

If I want to visit my kids in the NICU, I gotta scrub in.

The "scrub in" occurs at a double sink near the entrance. There I grab a little individually wrapped sponge soaked with very harsh soap. I turn the sink on with my knee like I do every day and a timer above the basin begins. I must scrub for 3 minutes. I start scrubbing. I clean my nails with the bristles on the back of the sponge. I soap up to my elbows. I scrub my hands and between my fingers. I rinse off and do it all again. I take a deep breath and look at the timer. 30 seconds have passed. Seriously? Only 30 seconds?



Don't get me wrong. I understand why I must scrub in. Preemies are very susceptible to germs and can get all kinds of infections. I am willing to go the distance for my little ones. But, that doesn't make the three minutes go any faster. Add to this the fact that I am usually running late for the feeding, hauling my diaper bag full of pumped breast milk, my computer, my water bottle, all my breast pump parts and sweating from the 100 degree walk from the parking lot and three minutes is an eternity!

I press on and keep scrubbing. My back hurts from leaning over the sink. My mind wanders. What kind of mood will my girls be in today? Will Harper be able to finish her whole bottle without choking herself? Which nurse will we have? God, I hope it's not that mean one from yesterday. How bad will Eliza's diaper smell? Will she poop all over me again? When can I take my daughters home?

Finally, three minutes have passed! I finish scrubbing and sigh. I dry off my hands and grab my 100 pound diaper bag.

The clerk buzzes me in, I turn the corner and the longest three minutes of my day? Worth every second...

Wrapped Around Their Little fingers

New parents that we are, Natalie and I are unschooled in the finer points of infant care. The girls have begun waging an ongoing behavior modification campaign on their parents.

Sometimes, in response to a particularly egregious lack of parenting skill, one of the twins will fire back with an all out, four-diaper poonami assault. Most grievances, though, seem to warrant a more subtle response, akin to psychological warfare, in which the offended child holds her breath until she turns beat red, culminating in a cathartic raspberry when her little lungs can wait no longer to breath in the dank air of infant oppression that permeates the NICU (that might just be poop; jury is still out). Natalie and I have taken to calling the impetus for such behavior a "RED FACE OFFENSE".

Harper, in particular, is quite adept at employing the RFO strategy.



We asked Harper to describe some of her top level red face offenses:

• Making me wait for my bottle ... that's a red face offense.
• Talking too loudly ... another red face offense.
• Chubbing my cheeks ... red face offense.
• Changing my diaper ... red face offense.
• Not changing my diaper ... also, red face offense.

We're certain that there are many more RFO-worthy scenarios, but Harper wouldn't tell us about them. Asking too many questions is, apparently, a RED FACE OFFENSE!

Why Dave is already a great dad.

In honor of Father's Day, I wanted to post the reasons why my husband is already an awesome dad...

PATIENCE -
We are currently trying to teach the twins to eat, both at the bottle and the breast. Obviously Dave can't feed them on the breast, but he is basically the Baby Whisperer when it comes to feeding them with the bottle. The girls don't quite know how to suck-swallow-breathe yet so feedings can be a bit frustrating. The girls will get excited about eating and suck for a minute then forget to breathe. The monitors will start beeping and their heart rate and blood oxygen levels will drop. A lot of times the girls lips will turn blue and we will have to pull them off the nipple and rub their backs until they remember to breathe. Then once they come back around, the whole thing starts all over again. It is possible to get them to eat their whole feeding from a bottle, but what usually happens for me is that I get really frustrated after a few apnea episodes and then I get the nurse to feed them the rest through their feeding tube. But Dave is as patient as they come. He regularly gets both girls to finish their bottles by continuing to coax them to keep eating after every episode. He wipes their mouths, rubs their backs and then starts out all over again. Like I said - Baby Whisperer. Which brings me to my next reason...

ENTHUSIASM -
Going back and forth to the NICU is pretty brutal. You can't eat in there, can't drink in there, there are alarms going off and babies crying and it is so frustrating that you can't take your kids home with you when you leave. Add that to the fact that Dave is working full time and you can understand how difficult this experience could be for him. But, at the end of the work day, when we are headed back to the NICU at 8pm, I look at Dave and I say, "You must be exhausted." And he just smiles and says, "Nope, I'm just really excited to see our daughters!"

CULINARY PROWESS -
Dave is a kick ass cook. He makes all kinds of stuff from recipes all the time and it's always delicious. He makes his own chili powder. He has tackled tamales, saurbraten and samosas. He loves to cook whole fish. But, his biggest talent in the kitchen is being able to throw together whatever he finds in the fridge and pantry into a delicious meal. He has been making food for me all during my pregnancy and even now that the girls are here and he works all day, he still comes home and throws together something delicious for me before we leave the house to go back to the hospital. By feeding me nutritious meals, he is providing nourishing breast milk for our girls and I know he will continue to cook delicious things for them as they grow up.

So, that's why today for Father's Day, Dave got a brand new iPhone!

Don't get used to it honey. This was just because it's your first Father's Day. Next year, we'll have to reexamine your credentials. But, I expect you will pass the "Awesome Dad" test year after year with flying colors. Keep up the good work!

Q Time in the NICU

Since the girls are still tucked away in the NICU, Nat and I are spending a lot of quality time there. It's a pretty surreal scene in there and it's taken me a while to acclimate to the steady din of babies crying, nurses chatting, heart monitors alarming, etc. Of course, we do have the occasional moment of calm down time ...




Heading to the NICU every day is inconvenient, but it does have its upsides. The nurses that work there are pretty amazing women (and men) who have already taught me a thing or two, like "always, always have a backup diaper." When Nat and I leave for the night, we're grateful to know that our girls are in good hands!

Peas in a Pod.

So, the girls are in the same bed now! They are both done with their IVs and light therapy for their jaundice so they get to be two little peas in a pod! It is pretty crazy when they are right next to each other to see how much they look alike! Definitely identical...






My mom is here now and has been a great moral support and help around the house. Plus, the girls love their Mimi!



One of the nurses made cute little name tags for the girls isolette - you can see them in the photo above. The staff here is so caring and nice. It is easy to get overwhelmed by the alarms and noises in the NICU, but the nurses are all very patient and explain things constantly so I'm not having a heart attack every time one of the girl's heart rate drops.

I definitely can't wait until they are home. It has been grueling trying to pump every three hours and be at the NICU as much as possible. I hope they will make good progress this week with learning to bottle and breast feed and hopefully they will be allowed to get into a regular crib as opposed to the isolette so we can hold them more.

Thanks to everyone at my office who has been bringing food - it is a huuuge help. And all the comments here, on Facebook and notes I have received via email are great. I am trying to stay connected with the outside world, but, man, it's hard!

Can't wait for everyone to be able to meet my sweet girls. More soon...

Stop. Bottle Time!!

Dave and I have been busy shuttling between the house and the hospital to see the girls. We are now able to hold them twice a day each for 30 minutes during feeding times. One of those times they get to nuzzle at my breast and one time they get to try to eat a bottle. I say try because they don't quite know what to do yet. We are told that the suck/swallow reflex does not develop until around 34-35 weeks gestational age. The girls are just now 33 weeks. But, the NICU nurses and doctors are big proponents of exposing the babies to the breast and bottle early on so they will start to know the different ways to feed. Just so you can see what I mean, here are videos of both Harper and Eliza trying to eat their bottles. You will see the looks of utter confusion on their faces. They are definitely starting to show different personalities. Harper is very tactile and is always flailing around her hands and wanting to grab onto things. Eliza is very calm and rarely gets upset - even when they are putting in an IV!

More soon...

Eliza:




Harper:

Babies are like 'good ideas' ...

... so far I've got two! Hmmm, pretty corny title, I'll admit. But I'm eschewing my inner blog editor and letting the title stand.

In seriousness, though, I want to thank all of the folks who have helped us turn our lives upside down to welcome Harper and Eliza into the world.

While it's disappointing that the girls have to bake in the NICU for a while, I am definitely relieved that they made it into the world and seem to be getting stronger each day. Here's proof .... see, fewer wires than last time!

Update from Momma!

This is my first blog post as a mom! (Actually, technically this my first blog post ever!) First off, thanks to everyone for their emails, phone calls and wishes. Even if you haven't heard back from us yet, we have received your supportive communication and we feel the love! I am just now able to do more than check on the girls and lay here and I hope to be back in touch with everyone soon!

It's been very busy here at St. David's North Room 211! All the grandparents have been to see the girls as well as Aunt Lenny, Aunt Hilary and Uncle David Johnson! Jules brought us lunch today - Taco Deli - yum!

I have felt frustrated with wanting all of my friends and family to meet the girls and being unable to take everyone down to the NICU to see them. Only two people are allowed in the NICU to see them at a time and one of those people has to be me or Dave. On top of that, they prefer that you limit your guests to the same four people who you have to name on a list. But, I hope the girls will be home soon and able to meet all of their extended friends and family!

The girls are both doing well! Eliza is able to breathe all on her own and Harper is having some room air pumped in through her nostrils, but they were able to lower the flow today because she is breathing so well by herself! They have both been feeding twice a day on donor breast milk until my milk comes in and seem to be tolerating it well. Both of them are fed through tubes that go directly into their stomach for now until they can begin to suck and take a bottle or breast. Both girls have a little bit of jaundice, which is being treated by setting them on these very bright blankets! It's so bright in their little incubators, but they don't seem to mind.

Dave and I are allowed to give each girl 30 minutes of skin to skin "kangaroo care" per day. We went this morning and took turns holding each of them for 15 minutes each with our shirts off. Holding them next to our skin helps them regulate their body temperatures and they get to start getting to know mom and dad. I left little "scent cloths" in their beds with them that smell like me so they will start to remember me.

Here's Harper cuddling with Dave:




Here I am with Eliza:




When we aren't doing skin to skin, we can cuddle them through little holes in their beds and we have helped change their diapers, take their temperatures and what not while we visit. Because I am still recovering from my c-section, I can really only be there for about an hour before I start to feel woozy and have to come back to the room, but I know as I heal and they grow, we'll be spending a lot more time together!

No predictions yet as to how long they will have to stay in the NICU. I hope it's only a few weeks, but we're taking it one day at a time.

Stay tuned for more from the Twingates.....

Mimi saw her grandbabies!

Mommy's first NICU visit

Surgery is rough on you. When the twins were born today, Natalie got to say a quick hello and kiss each of them before they were whisked away to the NICU. She then spent the next 6+ hours recovering.

It's now 8:30pm, and she has gotten out of bed for the first time since delivery to go spend some quality time with Harper and Eliza, along with "Mimi" (Grandma Stanco) and Uncle David J.

We have pictures!

These are the grainy mobile photos Aunt Lenny took in the NICU, to give you a preview. Look for professional quality pics from Dave's dad (Papa Jim) to come! Note: Harper Jo is on the dinosaur blanket, and Eliza Scott is on the blanket with colored dots & frogs on it.

WE HAVE TWINS!!!

Harper Jo and Eliza Scott Wingate were born (healthy and makin' some noise!) at 12:45 and 12:46 pm, to a very happy, healthy mommy and daddy. They weighed in at around 3.5 lbs and have begun their spa month in the NICU. We'll get some pictures up as soon as we get a chance to see them! I'm sitting with Nat in the post-op recovery room, and she says to everyone out there, "Yeaa! We made it! Thanks for everyone's support. I'm definitely feelin' the love!"

Tick-tock, tick-tock...

And they're in! Grandma Tricia and Aunt Lenny are waxing philosophical as we wait for news from the OR...Stay tuned!

It takes a village

The room is silent with anticipation as we wait for the anesthesiologist to arrive. Nat, Dave and Dave's mom ("Grandma Tricia") are taking an opportunity to breathe and center. Meanwhile, family friend Carol is heading to the Win-Stanc house to take care of some household chores for the busy couple. Nat's mom ("Mimi") is on her way!

Estimated Twin Arrival: Noon

Mom & Dad are prepped and ready to enter the OR. Noon delivery is expected.

Elf children?

So, we're still waiting for the big event and thought this would be a good time to start taking predictions on what the twins will look like. According to a morphing website I used a while back, the identical babies look like this. Thoughts?

Go time!

I'm sitting here with Nat & Dave, as Nat awaits delivery by C-section at St. David's Medical Center.

At 32 weeks, the twins will be born a little ahead of schedule, but all is expected to go smoothly. Nat was admitted to the hospital last night when her blood pressure got a tad too high and indicated preeclampsia. After she battled a migraine all night, the doctor decided delivery was in the best interest of mother and babies, which means...IT'S GO TIME!

At Dave's request, the official song of this blog post is: