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| Miss Harper Jo |
We took Harper to the neurologist today for a check-in. Dave asked the doctor if we should be concerned that Harper isn't really babbling yet.
"Does this indicate a pretty severe delay?" he asked.
"Sometimes, kids have delays that they can overcome and move on to function normally. And, other times, 'delay' is a euphemism for mental retardation, and that seems like it could be the case with Harper," the doctor said.
Wait, WHAT?
I could feel the tears welling up in my eyes. The "R word" was like a slap in the face.
Harper suffers from a condition called Lissencephaly, which is a migratory cell disorder, caused by a stroke that she suffered in utero. This means that her brain is malformed and there is no way to predict what level she will be able to function at when she is older. Her visual impairment is a product of the stroke and will, of course, be a hurdle as she grows and learns. But, we have been told that Harper will have a normal life span and, so far, she has overcome every challenge she's been given: learning to eat, rolling over, vocalizing, tracking toys, and she's close to sitting on her own.
I really like our doctor. He's been encouraging, but honest from the beginning and has emphasized that only time will reveal whether Harper will be capable of living independently. I don't think he's trying to set limits on her life, but I was not digging on his choice of words.
I was away from the girls for most of the day because I hired a nanny to watch the girls for a few hours a week so I can get out of the house (thank God!). The appointment was weighing heavily on me while I was out. When I got home and picked up Harper, she greeted me with a sweet little smile and it hit me why I was so upset.
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| Happy Harper |
No matter what she is and isn't able to do now or later in life, I just don't think of her as retarded. I'm not going to say that the word retarded will never have a place in Harper's life, perhaps it will. I don't deny that she has a long road ahead. I've come to terms with saying she has "special needs" and "developmental delays."
Will I keep pushing Harper to grow and learn and love her unconditionally? Hell yes.
Will I continue to be honest with myself about her condition and set my expectations accordingly? I'm sure gonna try.
Will I use the word retarded to describe her? Nope. I'm not ready to go there.
