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| Mother's Day 2011 - Harper (L), Eliza (R) |
I was *almost* a mom last Mother's Day. Only a couple weeks after Mother's Day 2010, Harper and Eliza made their entrance into the world. Now, almost a year later, with a little mothering experience under my belt, I have collected a few thoughts and observations on being a mom to twins, a mom to a special needs child and just generally a mom...read on!
1) Being a mom is hard.
It doesn't matter if you are a mother to one child or six, if you have twins or quintuplets, if your kids are "normal" or have special needs, if you work or stay home. Every mom has their own experience and it is hard for every single one of them. One of the most common things people say to me when they see me with my girls or find out I have twins is, "I don't know how you do it!" Well, I just do. Just like every other mom.
2) It's tempting to judge other moms.
Before I had kids, I was the WORST at passing judgment on other moms. I was pissed off that my friends who had kids weren't around anymore. I was annoyed that it felt like the moms I worked with were always running off to deal with their sick kids. I was so sure that mom at the grocery store shouldn't have her kid out at 10pm or was yelling too much at her screaming child or was giving him too much junk food...and then I had my girls. And, guess what? I've been every single one of those moms and more, I'm sure. It is impossible to know what any other mother is going through unless you are in her shoes. Now, with Harper having a visual impairment and other special needs, I am super conscious of the fact that you just never know another mom's story and therefore, you shouldn't act like you know what's best for her or her child.
3) You can never prepare for how your life will change once you have a child.
Oh I thought I was ready for kids. I thought my marriage was ready for kids. Maybe it's because I had a complicated pregnancy or because I have twins or because one of my twins has special needs that adjusting to motherhood has been so hard. But, I doubt it. It seems like the shift to completely taking care of another human being is so profound that you just can't know what it's like until you do it. The sleep deprivation hits you hard, you start to worry about lots of little things that you never thought you'd care about, you don't have time for the same things as you did before. Underneath it all is a drive to give your kids the very best of yourself and of the world around them, but that doesn't make the drastic shift in priorities any less jarring. On the other hand, you also can't know how your baby's smile will wilt your heart and fill you with joy until you see it!
4) Having preemies with special needs makes every milestone reached that much sweeter.
I still tear up when I think about the first time Harper rolled over. It seemed to small, but yet I knew all the time in hospital, the hours in physical therapy and the determination it took for her to get from her stomach to her back. Every milestone has been that way. I can't wait until Eliza starts crawling (she is so close) because she has been building up to it for months now! I know it's exciting for all moms, but damn, it's exciting when I see a picture of my girls at 3lbs in the NICU and think of how far they have come.
5) Quitting my job was the right decision in so many ways.
Yeah, I miss getting dressed in heels and putting on makeup. I miss seeing all my friends in the office and having a chance to talk about the latest happenings in the world with other adults. I miss the sense of accomplishment that I felt at the end of a big event that I had spent months planning. But every morning when I go into Harper and Eliza's bedroom to say good morning, their sweet smiles say it all: they need me at home right now. I'm so grateful that I have the opportunity to be home with them and all Harper's therapies and doctor's appointments are basically a full time job. Any doubt I had about this decision is all gone.
Mother's day was wonderful this year! I'm sure I'll have even more thoughts next year...stay tuned!
